Friday, 31 August 2007

Unlucky Managers

It seems to me that some managers are brilliant (like Ferguson), some managers are indisputably shite (like Red Stripe) and some carry the worst curse of all - they are unlucky. McClanger unfortunately has a foot in both the shite and unlucky camps!!!!!

Reflecting back on my proposed team (earlier blog), it is amazing to think that Rooney, Ashton and Beckham are already out, Gerrard and Hargreaves may be and Joe Cole isn't playing for Roublesea. And I only picked the midfielders and forwards. It really is a struggle to think of a team that would suit my proposed formation! Poor old McClanger! Still, this shows why you have to win your games when the injury curse isn't hitting you so hard. If we fail to qualify then results earlier in the campaign will be more to blame!

There's only one thing to do with an unlucky manager - sack him! Then, when the injuries clear up suddenly and the team goes on a winning run, he can justifiably tell everybody, "I was just unlucky!"

Hasn't Turds been bemoaning his luck recently?

Sweating Turds

Hmmm, up beat didn't last long. Weak draw at home to Wigan, broken leg for Dyer (surprise surprise!) and inept second half performance against the mighty Bristol Rovers. Adriano won't join us - the dinners aren't big enough I'd guess looking at his bulk - Anelka has signed a new contract at Bolton (so he will move in January then!) and I'm worried that we still don't have a left back, a viable alternative up front (how bad was Zamora at Rovers!!!!) and we are still thin creatively in midfield. Turds must still be sweating as he looks up at Gollum's gloomy face in the stands!

More trouble at the Blunted Blades with the finess coach quitting - any truth in the rumour that he didn't agree with Red Stripe's liquid diets?

Saturday, 18 August 2007

Turds for Manager of the Month!

Time to write whilst feeling up beat!!!!

Clean sheet without Neill and a recognised left back! In control of the game! Noble dictating midfield! Bellyache and Diarrhea both pulled down in the box! Victory without Ashton, Parker and Yumberg! Europe here we come! Turds for manager of the month!

Looks like Birmingham, Sunderland and Derby are going to struggle. Bolton and Fulham will also challenge for the bottom three (as predicted b4 the season started). Wigan will struggle when the tougher fixtures arrive. What are we worrying about?

Open and Shut Case

Defending the legal action brought by the Blunted Blades must be one of the easiest jobs in the world. West Ham responsible for their relegation, who are they kidding?

Your Honour, I give you exhibit A - Neil Warnock. Enough said?

For exhibit B I offer you the Sheffield United team sheet. Is that really a team worthy of a place in the Premiership?

Exhibit C - Look at the table after two games in the Championship!

Exhibit D - They appointed Red Stripe Robbo as manager. Clearly, your Honour, the club have a death wish!

I rest my case.

McClanger's Options

Full marks to Steve McClanger - he's not afraid of reversing a decision is he? First Becks, now Campbell and James - the future may not be safe in McClanger's hands but there's no need to set up an England Vets Team - they're all in the full squad anyway!

It's amazing isn't it, how quickly the "Golden Generation" has fizzled into the Old Mother Hubbard Generation - the cupboard's suddenly bare! Is there really such a dearth of talent coming through? Perhaps if Defoe signed for a club prepared to pick him? Perhaps if Johnson was given 2 or 3 games in a row? Perhaps if Ashton was fit? Remember, these guys are the reserves, in Rooney we have the most exciting talent England has possessed since Gazza.

Look at the World Cup Squad of 1990 which reached the semifinal. Take out Gazza (for Rooney) and Lineker (for Owen) and would it have been that special? Look who England had in reserve for the first choice strikers - only Steve Bull who wasn't even a top flight striker! Barnes and Platt were listed as forwards but neither were out and out strikers. Lampard, Gerrard, Lennon and Wright-Phillips would all count as strikers on that basis.

Who would you rather have, Crouch or Bull? Defoe or Bull? Ashton or Bull? Bent or Bull? Johnson or Bull? The truth is, it is not a dearth of strikers that is the problem, it is the absence of a Waddle and a Gascoigne, truly creative midfielders with the ability to both run and pass their way through defences. We need Cole back, and not on the left but in central midfield. We need to move away from 4-4-2, the system does not suit the personnel, and move to 4-1-2-1-2 with Cole in the hole, Hargreaves as the anchor and Rooney and Ashton up front. For the two in midfield, I'd go wih Gerrard and Beckham. The interchange potential could be enormous and with Ashton and Rooney both feeding runners from midfield, we could look for goals from Gerrard, Beckham and Cole, in addition to the two strikers. And if Rooney is out? I'd go for Owen and drop Ashton deeper.

Will McClanger try it? Doubtful. He's experimented once and ended up in tears. But then, this man is at least willing to reverse a decision!

Bleak House

So the cracks are showing (and that's not just when the Hammerettes do their high kicks!). Gollum has apparently given Turds six weeks to save his job, the Blunted Blades are trying to out-Jarndyce Jardyce versus Jardyce and Craig Bellyache has had his first hissyfit with Turds. Arrive stage right Kieran Dyer! Never mind the rights to the games, somebody should be negotiating hard to buy the rights to the training ground. Why not buy back Hartson just for a laugh? Bellyache already has the golf club, now, "anything but gentlemen", choose your weapons please!

Wednesday, 15 August 2007

Looking down on Spurs

There's one consolation in looking at a Premiership table that shows West Ham third from bottom - and that's to see Spurs propping us all up! Two games gone and two defeats - against the mighty Sunderland and Everton no less. I'd say that a top 4 spot has already been surrendered. Big Sam, Moyes and Wenger must all now regard games with each other as six pointers whilst Spurs start to fret about securing a EUFA or Inter Toto spot. Why on earth did they spend that money on Bent when the midfield is clearly so lacking in width and creativity? There's no point in having an arsenal (sorry, no pun intended) of guns if you have no ammunition to load them with. I would have thought Keano could have told Jol that!

Still hopefully Spurs will sack the meat pie challenged one. I'd have him ahead of Turds any day of the week (except, perhaps on Sundays - who ate all the yorkshire puddings?)!

Come on Derby!!!!!

Tuesday, 14 August 2007

Any Eidur?

More transfer speculation but still no talk of a left back. Surely it is obvious even to Turds that McCartney isn't god enough? I know Onecapchelsky wasn't brilliant but he was, at least, an option. But then, when Turds doesn't like you, that's it!

It may be early but I think Turds should be flushed down the managerial toilet. That's not knee jerk - read my blogs through last season - as Oncecap says, he aint up to the job. Just think, if we had been bold and appointed a manager with status in the game, we might, just might, have kept Tevez. Seems from what Onecap says that even Bent doesn' like him - and it was Turds who plucked him from the Championship!

First manager for the chop?

Not sure what the official odds are but I'd say it is a straight fight between Turds and Mini Me Sammy Lee. Both got off to disaterous starts on Saturday. Both are already cursing injuries. Neither commands the respect of his players, both have succeeded managers who the fans adored, neither inspires confidence when you watch them on the touch line. Question is, when Turds goes (my bet is early October), who will replace him? Roeder is looking for a job - only joking!!!!!

Here we go again! Turds overheard on the touchline!

Ready,, hold on a minute, I'm not ready! I haven't spent my chairman's money! I've sold players without buying replacements! I haven't got a left back! I don't know my best centre back pairing, all my summer signings are injured, Ashton isn't ready, my right back is injured and his replacement is crap, the City players don't even know each other so how am I meant to tacically outsmart them? I can't look, I can't look, tell me when it's all over! I'll send on Etherington! Now I'll move him to left back! Mullins! I wanted to off load him but anyone's better than Bowyer! Get on there Ashton! Is it over yet? I can't look! I can't look! Where is Tevez when you need him? Anybody got any ideas because I'm clueless!