Sunday 29 March 2009

How Good a Super Hero is Herita Ilunga?


Well to begin, I have to nail my colours to the mast - Herita is a Horatio of mine if only because it was his arrival that facilitated the departure of The Beatle, which in turn prompted Turds to jump ship without a compensatory life jacket. For that alone, he deserves Hammer of the Year! No, sod it, for that alone, he deserves to be enrolled in the West Ham Hall of Fame! One day they will write comics featuring the superhero Herito Man who, with the help of his sometimes seen sidekick Lopez Man, saves Boleyn City from the curse of the arch villian Turds who had sent the entire city into a deep sleep destined to last for a thousand, million years! Herito Man, we love you baby!

So perhaps I am just a little bit biased here. I would send the guy out in a shirt bearing the name "Turds Slayer" on the back and call him Man of Every Match before kick off! But what about his footballing ability?

Hold on to your hats because this is going to seem controversial: in my opinion, he is the best West Ham left back I have ever seen. What? Tea spat over computers! Lap tops thrown through windows! Union Jack Bull Dog tatoos with Dicksy Rools bared for nervous wives to see! Calm down lads, calm down, it's only an opinion! Let me explain.

Now, assessing the whole player, of course "Julian West Ham to the Core Except When I Joined Liverpool Dicks" gave the team much more than Herito ever will. He scored goals. And not just goals... but screamers. Dicksy's record is awesome and, apart from the contribution of Tonker Stewart, will always be beyond compare. But I am not talking about the whole player, I am talking about the position of left back.

Transport Julian to the 'here and now' and he would struggle as a left back. Yes, there will always be a place for a player with a hammer of a shot like that, but how many games would he actually finish as a left back in the yellow and red card frenzy of the modern Premiership? Not many!

Herito does the job of a left back, plain and simple. Apart from slaying the demonic Turds, he is not the team's Superhero and has no aspirations to fulfil that role. He seems a humble soul, a good, honest, take me for what I am, confident, competent, composed and consistent defender who will get forward and offer an attacking option when the situation allows. He maintains good positional discipline, he reads the game well, he tackles well, he retains possession well. He is a left back, plain and simple, and is just what the team needs.

Konch recently reminded us all of how good a left footed screamer can be, but would anybody take Onecap in exchange for Herito? I doubt it! And there, in a nutshell, is why Herito is the best LEFT BACK I have seen in a West Ham shirt, because that is his position. Julian was always a rampager first and a full back second, a pirate rather than a naval rating, serving his own instincts rather than the discipline of the Navy. It was great to watch when it worked but how many goals did Dicksy cost us because, when possession was lost, the left back was absent without leave?

Those tats have been bared again haven't they? I can see the growling teeth! Ladies and Thugs, I give you the League Cup semifinal against Luton. Remember the piggy back ride Dicksy took to give away the penalty? I don't think Herito will ever do that, he relies more on the superhuman powers of staying in position, closing and covering! Not the most exciting super powers I give you, but just what Commisssioner Nani ordered when he got on the Bat Phone!

10 comments:

Anonymous said...

No, Horito doesn't piggy back anyone, he just sticks his hands up like a big girls blouse when a cross or shot is coming

Hammersfan said...

LOL I knew it! I knew it! Watch all left backs, they all do it, it is a reflex to protect their faces. I used to think Le Saux was practising his ballet his hands were so high. Three games in a row saw the ball hit Ilunga's arm, and in none of those games did the linesman or referee deem it a deliberate handball. Why is that do you think? Watched him recently? Herito is actually putting his hands behind his back in response to the criticism. Are you a Hammer? If so, why are you knocking the guy? Defending Dicks or knocking Ilunga?

Anonymous said...

what about Lampard snr & Cantwell both better than Ilunga imo

Unknown said...

this guy is one of the best defenders we have ever had, end of story. !!! COYI...

Hammersfan said...

Hi Peter! Welcome on board! Anonymous, well said. I'm too young (not often I get the chance to say that) to remember Cantwell but the stats show that we conceded a heck of a lot of goals when he played - different era, different mentality so I think it is very hard to make a comparison but if you saw him and confirm he was that good, fair enough, I'll trust to your opinion. Frank senior is an interesting one. Great club servant, no doubt about that, and picked up an England cap so is certainly "up there". I think you are right to call him over Ilunga, if only because of performances over a decade plus, rather than two thirds of a season. For the purposes of the article's slant, I was looking for a Dicks v Ilunga comparison. I'll give you Thin Frank for now, but if Herito stays with us for three seasons, my money will be on him coming out on top - 0-0 away to Liverpool, Arsenal and Chelsea all in the same season, I don't remember us going to top four team with Old Frank in the side and keeping clean sheets consistently!

Anonymous said...

better left back than julian???? how many bookings did jules recieve in his last season??

Hammersfan said...

In his last season Jules managed 12 first team appearances and collected four bookings. And that was when cards sweated in the pocket longer! What was your point Anonymous?

Anonymous said...

Dicksy was knackered by the time he came back to us, it was very sad to see. Dicksy at his peak was one of the best left-backs in the country though. Oh, to see that "magic wand" of a left foot again...we haven't had anyone with that kind of tecnique for years! (barring solano).

Anonymous said...

na dicksy was better but ilunga looks good definitely worth buying him

Denbighammer said...

I like Ilunga but I'm going to disagree. Dicks was a much better footballer who allowed himself to be drawn into stupid 'hard man' stuff. I'd like to think in this day and age Dicks would be bright enough to realise he can't do that and adapt. Dicks was great in the air (remember his header at the Bridge?) as well as having a great left foot. Before his first injury he was also quick enough to play left back in the modern game. I hope Ilunga sticks at it as he has clear potential, keep it up Henrietta!!