Thursday 21 May 2009

No Nails In Newcastle


How nervous must the Toons fans be this week? I well remember the prolonged agony of the Great Escape - the surge of hope that accompanied a victory and the agony of doubt that followed a defeat. Remember the despair after the 3-0 thumping at the Blunted Blades and the 4-1 reverse at home to Chelsea? Remember dreaming of the impossible after that 3-0 romp away to Wigan and the 3-1 home victory over Bolton?

But nothing compared with that final week: the long, protracted stay of execution - the permutations and calculations and the fear of a deal done in a smoke filled room between Wigan and Shafting United. We had scaled an impossible mountain and our fingers were within touching distance of the peak, but the rope was frayed to the point where...well just thinking of the consequences made me feel physically sick, literally.

Like we were, Newcastle are the big boys in the race to avoid the drop. Boro? Hull? Like Sheffield United and Wigan, they are not really Premiership clubs. Their natural place is in the Championship, in the second tier of English football. But Newcastle? Love them or hate them, there's no denying that they belong at the top table.

There will be twists and turns on Sunday, just as there were on that wonderful day in May 2007. It seems very likely that the Mancs will take the lead at Hull, at which point a draw will be enough for the carToons. Hope will surge, the Geordies will find their voices, the players in black and white will sense that they are in the box seat if only they can keep Villa out...if only, if only they can keep Villa out. But as the need for a point becomes an imperative, so those Newcastle players will drop deeper and deeper, inviting Villa on. Owen will get a chance on the break and will probably hit the bar. News will come through, the Mancs have scored again and the Barcodes are safe if they can just hold on for that point. Five minutes remaining and Shearer signals for Owen to come off. Villa surge forward, Newcastle shrink back. Into extra time, and still they have the point, still they have the lifeline. And then... freekick just outside the box. Newcastle players complain, circle the ref, all to no avail. Harper forms his wall, hearts are in mouths, hands on testicles, fans can't watch, the result comes through from Hull, Manchester United have won 2-0, Barry stands over the freekick, so does Young...but standing five yards behind them is former Toon Milner...and it is written in the stars as his foot connects, bends the ball up and over the wall, dipping down and down, just inside the angle of post and bar, bulging the net...

We all know it is going to happen...especially those poor Geordies contemplating the gallows pole as the hours tick down, tick down, tick down, tick...down.

14 comments:

Anonymous said...

are u sure u aren't narrating the Bend it like Beckham scene?

Hammersfan said...

LOL I wondered where I had seen it before!

Anonymous said...

You survived because you cheated and the FA didn't have the bottle to punish you properly.

This 'article' is a load of shite.

Anonymous said...

if only we all had a trevor brooking to help us when we can't stay up without cheating

Anonymous said...

Ta ta geordies. Enjoy peterborough

Lythamlatic said...

Newcastle "belong" in the top flight - and Wigan are really a Champoionship club?

Utter rubbish - I thought a Hammer would be proclaiming "what happens on the field is what matters" like you were when your board told lie after lie about Tevez...

Anonymous said...

look get over the tevez thing it's done, finished.I want the toon to stay up as the prem would be a poorer place without them!!!.

supernumbersix said...

Anon 00:31. We survived because we were better than the rest. It wasn't down to the FA to punish us you imbecile, it was down to the Premiership, and they fined us £5 million quid.

You are obviously an expert on what is shite - you are so full of it, it's choking you.

Anonymous said...
This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.
Hammersfan said...

Anonymous said:

isnt it ironic that a west ham mug is taking so much delight in recent weeks, in the fact that newcastle are in deep shite and will prob go down....this coming from a swine who supports a team of knackers that should not even be in the prem, and are only in the prem, thanks to a player who they had illegally!

Censored to remove foul language

Denbighammer said...

I am desperatly hoping they go down. However, I believe they will draw at Villa and the other two will lose, therefore staying up on goal difference. Their supporters are without doubt the most deluded bunch of f*uckwits on the face of the planet. They even make 'Yoo-Ess-Ay' Americans look rational and unbiased. I hope they drop, they are a shambling wreck of a club, consumed by their own self-importance and unable to see out of their little bubble.

Hammersfan said...

Get off the fence Den can't ya? LOL

Denbighammer said...

I went to the 'Trevor Brooking School of Opinions' but I was expelled for running the fence over in my lorry! Trevor was in tears as he had nowhere to sit!

Hammersfan said...

LOL Well er er er er Barry I er er er er think it could go er er er er either way at this er er er er point. I know er er er er Liverpool are winning 5-0 but er er er er Luton have a couple of players who er er er er may or er er er er may not er er er er be able to er er er er score or er er er er not. So it's Liverpool's victory unless er er er er it ends up a draw or er er er er Luton score six and er er er er Liverpool don't get another in which case er er er er...