Wednesday 9 December 2009

Gold and Sullivan To The Rescue!


This is turning into an episode of Eastenders! Poor little Hammerette is gagged and tied up in Phil Mitchell's lock-up with Icelandic Archie threatening to smother her to death. At the last moment, dodgy market traders Gold and Sullivan look up from their porn magazines and think, "'ang on, we could turn a nice little buck 'ere if we can do a deal to buy the lock up and everything in it." But will Phil sell and, more to the point, will his loan shark creditors let him?

If a deal isn't done "quick like", there's every chance the whole business will go tits up. The trouble is Gold and Sullivan don't want to part with any hard cash as such, not until they've had a good feel of the goods anyway. Well, coming from their world, it comes as second nature to have a good grope first to establish if the model is suitably compliant. Archie's intent on putting West Ham out of her misery it seems, but Phil has grabbed the keys to the lock-up and has agreed to let Gold and Sullivan have a good gander of the premises ahead of a possible deal. But the polythene bag is already over Hammerette's face and she is turning claret and blue as the key grates in the lock. Phil pushes at the door, twists the key this way and that, but with no joy. "I don't get it", he mutters, "the key won't turn in the lock". Inside Icelandic Archie smiles as Hammerette's chest heaves and her eyes open wide...

Cue the music, roll the credits...

9 comments:

TBI said...

NOOOOOOOOOOOO! sorry I actually meant Gold and Sullivan NOOOOOOOOOOOOO! They will ruin us, turn us into a shite little yo-yo club.

Hammersfan said...

I'd rather be a shite yo-yo club than a no-no club deep in the shite!

Unknown said...

Haha! HF, you're a funny man.

Stani Army said...

Let's hope Gold and Sullivan don't turn out to be Ian Beale.

T.I.S said...

Ian is actually a good business man though!

Fonzie's Bald Patch said...

'They will ruin us, turn us into a shite little yo-yo club.'

Turn us into?
Ahahahahaha!
Relegated 2002/3
'Cheated' to stay up in 2006/7
Relegation battle 2009/10
What club do you support?

The Smut Brothers are shrewd businessmen who have been successful in numerous ventures, where as our former owner took down a country's economy and left us in the hands of a heavily in debt 'Asset Management' company facing potential administration, relegation and yet another firesale at best.
If you hadn't noticed Football has/is changed, it will be much, much harder to survive, come back up and secure Premier League status if we go down now and are still owned by Straumur.
GAS represent our best hope at the moment either by taking us on or forcing one of the other interested parties to declare their interest.

Stani Army said...

T.I.S
Yes, but he's unlucky and boring though ;)

T.I.S said...

Don't forget ugly!

Stani Army said...

Thanks for the reminder! I think even Eggy has more going for him.