Saturday 4 June 2011

West Ham Fans Rocked By Shock Parker Revelation

West Ham fans were left reeling this evening by the shock revelation that Scott Parker isn't very good after all. Playing against a team of cuckoo clock makers, merchant bankers and the huff and puff Behrami, England's Player of the Year looked somewhere between ordinary and less than ordinary.

West Ham fan Beyen Pee raged: "I couldn't believe what I was seeing out there. We all know Scott is a legend in our own time and the best midfielder in England, but today he looked average. I blame that Italian twat Capello just like I blame that Jewish pillock Avram Grant."

Welsh pundit Shaun Ovhumour said: "That wasn't the Parker we know. He looked brilliant against the might of Wales but against Switzerland he looked ordinary. Time and again, he was the wrong side when trying to make a tackle and Terry and Ferdinand looked as exposed as Upson and Tomkins at times. I simply can't explain what happened out there. Anybody would think the Swiss were Germany!"

Incredibly, Parker was responsible for giving away a needless foul that led directly to Switzerland's second goal. "How can you explain that?" asked Ivor Tatt. "I mean, Parker giving away free kicks needlessly that lead to goals...next thing you know people will be blaming him for numerous goals West Ham conceded through last season."

Shane Ghai-Wrighty added: "Never mind the free kick, what amazed me was the time  in the second half when Parker broke with the ball from a corner and had the opportunity to set up a goal. I can't explain why he ran up a blind alley and lost the ball rather than slip in a pass. It was as if Scotty plays with his head down and has no vision. How do you explain that? I mean the guy is Player of the Year. He is a genius! Look at the way he bossed the game against a Wales team made up mostly of Championship players. I'm staggered. Shocked. Lost for words. Why did a kid like Wiltshire look three times the player that the 30 year old Parker looks? It doesn't make sense does it?"

Meanwhile, Daniel Levy was overheard on the phone talking to wheeler dealer 'Arry Redknapp: "You want to pay how much for that? Eight million for a player who can't hold his position and has as much vision as Blunkett in a dark tunnel? He looked like Florence in the Magic Roundabout, little legs and boots too big for him. Think again 'Arry. Think again. No wonder Liverpool rate Henderson a better buy at twice the price!"

25 comments:

Anonymous said...

You really are stupid. GROW UP

Anonymous said...

Pathetic.

Stani said...

But you think Man Utd will sign him HF!

Hammersfan said...

Bit harsh 2108, Bent was pathetic, Parker was just very, very, very average.

Hammersfan said...

It doesn't look like Liverpool want him Stani, if the Mancs aren't interested I can see a deal being done with Spurs at £3million with us paying half his wages for three years. Like that, we will pay £3million for Spurs to take him off our hands.

Anonymous said...

Parkers 1st game back after missing 5 for west ham . He was not fit enough to even be there. 1 bad game out of a whole season i would take that for 8 million any day of the week He is top class

Shaun said...

I totally agree 20:06 & 21:08!

One thing non-achieving pub-pundits who have never played the game at any level higher than the back of their sofa should never do...is attempt to criticise professional sportsmen!
These pub-pundits are prone to plagiarism and use repetitive rhetoric which they mentally copy/paste from various has-been TV pundits, publications, other blogs etc and blatantly attempt to pass it off as 'original' material?
They strive to persuade their audience that they are technically knowledgeable and even experienced even though it is patently clear that their subject base is extremely limited!

It takes professional sportsmen years of dedication and commitment to achieve their merit, recognition and status.....
However, their disparagers, in particular the 'pub-pundit', never have been and never will become professional at anything!...and it is for this reason that these disparaging pub-pundits feel the need, fuelled by the chips on their shoulders, to belittle and defame their 'targets' at every given opportunity with their incessant and disillusioned ramblings!

Hammersfan said...

Thanks for that contribution Shaun Ovhumour which fully vindicates your name!

Of course, those pub pundits who you disparage are the very people who pay these sportsmen's wages. Without Sky and commercial TV, Parker and co would earn the sort of wages the pub pundits have to survive on. For many of these "pub pundits" the humdrum of life is alleviated by supporting their club and national team, and when the poor primadona players can't perform because they are "too tired" after playing forty or so games of football over a 10 month period, the pub pundits feel a degree of irritation. Let's hope that if John Terry and co ever need A&E care in the early hours of the morning, the doctors and nurses aren't "too tired" to give of their best eh?

Hang on 2200, are you saying that parker was prepared to start for England when not fully fit but wasn't prepared to start for West Ham? Do England pay him £83,000 a week or is that West Ham? Mr West Ham? Cobblers! Mr Look After Himself!

Stani said...

But you've stated at least twice that you think Mancs will buy him....when I was arguing he won't go to a champions league team.

Yes, I think Spurs are his only option. Man Utd have Carrick, Fletcher and Anderson. Chelsea are learning not to buy old guys. He won't fit Arsenal's style of play. City can buy anyone in the world so wouldn't bother with him and Liverpool have too many midfielders as it us, plus Aquilani is coming back and Spearing, who Dalglish likes, is coming on.

He should just stay with us.

Anonymous said...

Parker must be worth around 3 or 4 million at most. Determined - yes, committed - yes, game and gritty - yes. Very workmanlike and 100% professional. All that is good, and I respect him for that. But visionary ? Full of guile ? No, that's not him. And to be honest, that's what I want to see in football. As for Wilshire, different class - he doesn't play for MY team, but he's definitely an 'exciting prospect' as the pundits might say....

gateman

Shaun said...

Simply puerile....the standard dross response by someone who claims to possess even a modicum of intelligence...and I would prefer it if you did not insult MY intelligence, not to mention MY family name by referring to me in that noxious manner....THAT is not my name, got it?!

Do not make a mistake and generalise the 'pub pundit' tag...that 'pub-pundit' is YOU, and well you know it!
You are NOT qualified to criticise Parker in any way, shape or form. Most of the bile you spread about Scott Parker borders on libel!
HE is a Pro...YOU are a pillock nobody from nowhere in particular. Don't give me the 'I pay his wages' shite....you don't!! You don't earn a fraction of what he earns and you never will, you bitter bigot.

Ever need A&E care? Oh, is this the usual 'of the people, by the people, for the people' nostalgia moment?? Thought as much.... truthfully, if YOU needed urgent medical care and you also possessed the money, would you not prefer private treatment rather than rely on a failing NHS, brought to it's knees by idiots who purport to run this country, with outlooks and viewpoints just like yours?!

Hammersfan said...

(Amended by moderator to remove racism and obscenties)

So, wait HF, all them fantastic performances for us and England this year don't prove he is a good player... But one bad game after he has just been injured does?

You utter utter Jewish cnut.

Hammersfan said...

Wow Shaun Ovhumour, you are less intelligent than I gave you credit for. You have major issues sir and some of them are based on low intelligence.

If Parker is involved in a car accident at 3a.m. will a BUPA ambulance pick him up? Nope. Will he be rushed to an A&E department run by BUPA? Nope. He will be utterly dependent upon the National Health Service. My point is that these health professionals - who you insult - will do their level best to save his life irrespective of any tiredness and should they fail in their duties, tiredness would not be a defence.

You seem to think that these players are above and beyond criticism. What a stupid position. If we apply this to all walks of life, then we end up with tyranical government. What right have you or I got to criticise politicians who are "professionals" and earn more than you and me? Dear God, we could have our own Gadaffi in no time we if we apply that stupid logic. How stupid have you just made yourself look?

I will call you and your family what I please on thids blog. Try sueing me for libel if you don't like it. Yours must be a deeply unhappy household if you jump down throats at home in the same way as you jump down mine. You may be 6'4 and nineteen stone but your brain appears to be under developed my friend. I told you to grow a pair before. In fact you need to grow a fontal lobe!

Hammersfan said...

Stani, why have Liverpool offered £15m for Henderson then?

sam said...

this site is an embarrassment to west ham fans. your talking out of your arse mate. your posts clearly show you either know nothing about football, or your just posting tripe to get attention and create shit discussion which is based on the tiniest rumour or something you've just imagined. can't believe your actually allowed to have your posts on newsnow.

what an absolute joke.

Shaun said...

Tell me hypocrite, why do you continue to edit posts to "remove racism and obscenities" when you yourself are habitually obscene and blatantly racist. Something really horrific must have befallen you when you were small...sorry, I meant to say 'younger'... you're STILL small!! Were you a victim then? Shame!

Intelligence?! Ha, ha...you don't even come close! You're too stupid to realise who or what you're dealing with little man!...but then, we both know that don't we eh!?

I'm actually bored shitless wasting time here now....it used to be mildly interesting, but it has long since run past it's sell-by date!!

P.S. Hope the results of that cat-scan you went for prove devastating for yourself and those who pretend to love you! ;o)

Anonymous said...

You'll miss Parker when we're 2-0 down to Peterborough on a freezing Tuesday night in nowhereville. Well you would if you went to any matches...

Anonymous said...

Of all the people to be negative about over our dismal season you choose Parker because you want to be provocative and you're gutted you were proved wrong by him not going to Tottenham when you thought and turning in inspirational performances after that episode. The tosser you are, the expert on football you are not.

Stani said...

HF,
That may be true, but one thing is that Henderson is young. He can be bought because he can afford to fight for his place and be benched sometimes. This can't happen with Parker.

By the way, if it is true, Liverpool are stupid! No way is he worth £15m! I'd use that money to buy Wigan's youngster McCarthy ...better player and you'd still have change left over.

Must be just a rumour.

Hammersfan said...

I think you have revealed your true nature there Shaun. Read back "Hope the results of that cat-scan you went for prove devastating for yourself and those who pretend to love you!" and try to understand how inappropriate that comment is based upon a debate related to football. You object to me using a mocking name for you; you wish my death and devastation for my family, people you have never met. How mentally sick does that make you?

Significantly, your "final" reply again references size. You seem to believe that physical bulk equates to power, even intellectual power, based on the fact that you are 6'4 and nineteen stone. Why did you feel the need to share that detail exactly?

You suggest that you will not return to read this reply but I know you will. You are inside the game and will never escape for as long as the game continues to exist. You may rage against the game but you will lack the mental and intellectual strength not to participate, although, being a moral coward, you will do so surreptitiously no doubt.

I am not a rascist Shaun but if you represented the Welsh nation, boy would the Welsh appear a nation of stupid sheep lovers!

Hammersfan said...

0853, you may not have noticed but we were relegated last season. There are many to blame for that but had Parker been the player many claim him to be, it would not have happened. Charlie Adam will be found out next season - he is a moderately good player who looks brilliant because he is in a very average team - and Parker will be found out too for the same reason. The free kick he conceded for the second goal yesterday was typically brainless. The guy lacks vision, composure, footballing intelligence and positional discipline - and as such symbolises all our failings last season. Yes he ran around a lot and yes he showed lots of passion but that is not enough.

John said...

Although I do not always agree with HF in this case I think he has done a very good analysis of Scot Parker's failings as a player, Scot also has some very good points as a player.
What totally amazes me is the aggression this article has created. Disagree by all means, item by item, but to wish someone dead! its totally unbelievable!and does not make pleasant reading.Oh! and don't bother to wish anything on me I am already suffering from the ultimate. If that makes anyone happy then there is some truth in the saying 'every cloud has a silver lining'

Hammersfan said...

Like you, John, I am horrified that people can wish physical ill on others based around football debate. The word "sick" is misused in the modern world - and your sickness is its cruelest and most apposite application - but there is a moral degeneracy in Britain that is absolutely terrifying. Shaun does not seem to understand the difference between disagreement and hatred and his default position is to hate. I do hope he is not a parent because I shudder to think of the example he would set to children.

Anonymous said...

Well HF, you certainly got all the blind faith merchants out on that one. Scott Parker has been handsomely rewarded for running around a lot, that's his professionalism. No doubt he's a likeable guy, but he's not a world class footballer. He's barely international class to be honest.
Mr West ham - what a load of crap. But you can't criticise anything about WEst ham - the years of under achievement by mediocrities like Repka, Dicks etc. Big time cloggers. No coincidence that the two best players at WHU in recent years were a nutty Italian fascist and a temporary Argentinian who's currently leading scorer in the PL. And the last irony about all these 'real West ham fans' is that most don't even live in Newham - they all left the borough years & years ago - because of the 'foreigners' moving in.....

gateman

Anonymous said...

07:13 liking it!