Sunday 29 July 2012

Allardyce Remains Positive After Narrowly Avoiding Another Pre Season Defeat

Speaking after narrowly avoiding yet another pre season defeat, Doctor Evil enthused:

"This is the ideal preparation for the new season. The lads have to understand that in the Prem they are going to lose a lot more games than they win, so we have to prepare the boys mentally for that. Last season we had a problem winning games, this season the challenge is going to be avoiding defeat."

"It's great that both Jussi and Hendo have made mistakes in the warm up games. We don't want the fans expecting too much of these boys as the pressure of expectation can get to keepers. Both keepers featured in relegation battles last season so know what to expect in the coming season. That has to stand them in good stead. Especially Jussi. He needs the practise of bending to get the ball out of the back of the net because, at his age, back problems are always a possibility, as are senile dementia, arthritis and incontinence issues."

"It's also pleasing that the strikers are not scoring goals - apart from Baldock and, come the kick off, he won't be in my team. It's not easy to net in the Prem so again we need them to stay strong when not making the net bulge regularly. The big disappointment at the moment is that Tomkins and Diame are not with the squad. But I'm confident that JT will get used to losing with Team GB so he should be tuned up perfectly. I'm not sure about Momo but I doubt Senegal will pull up any trees given they couldn't beat Giggs and co."

"And fans should not forget we have been playing Germans. OK, second rank Germans but Germans nevertheless. True Birmingham managed a draw against Bundesleiga side Munchengladbach and were unlucky not to win, but that should not detract from our efforts in any way."

"And remember, there's still big name signings to come. Players like Andy Carroll and Kaka would make a real difference to this team I can assure you!"

"Of course there's still things we need to work on. We are not getting the ball into the opposition box often enough and a lot of our passing lacks altitude and distance but that will be sorted before the season kicks off, don't worry. I didn't get where I am today by playing ticky tap football, I can tell you!"

11 comments:

Sav said...

Well said. But it is not a joke though. Isn't it strange that the only time we got into the game was with the second eleven?!!! That should tell us we really need a first team. Thank God Carroll doesn't want to come to West Ham because that addition would complete the first team tragedy. I say, switch teams and use sparingly some of the first eleven as subsitutes. At least this way, we will be playing some football and hopefully bagging some points too.

Did anyone notice by the way, that the only type of player we are not in the market for is a creative midfield player? And why should the man who invented the team formation that does not require a midfield line seek buy to a Benayoun or a Modric?

Big Sam is an insult to what West Ham stands for. I hope the 2Ds realise this sooner rather than later. Before it is too late! If they don't, we are going to be playing Championship football in the Olympic Stadium. And if that happens, we might as well share the stadium with Leyton Orient!

Anonymous said...

More class Fanno. Absolute class. Its really good for your wee self esteem that you have this wonderful tool.....to be eh...........a tool.

Stani said...

Noble needs to be benched. For God's sake


Stick this up would you HF:

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Deane said...

What Sav said

Sav said...

I have read somewhere that West Ham have agreed to sell Baldock to Bristol City whom they want to replace Maynard. I say give them back Maynard and keep Baldock. At least he offers something different up front and he scores some goals.

If I am not mistaken Baldock has scored most of our goals in pre-season friendlies. And what do we do? Get rid of him as quickly as possible. Brilliant! Well done Sam!

Anonymous said...

Well done you managed 5 comments on a West Ham blog
must be a first ,

I suggest doing a screen cap and saving it for posterity

fred149 said...

Stani how can you say Noble needs to be benched when o'neill and Nolan are still in the team. Nlan is the problem in all this not Noble.

Sav said...

The three of them should go if you ask me. Nolan, Noble and O'Neill are just not good enough. They can't defend and they can't create anything going forward. West Ham will become a good team if we can get a new set of midfielders. Period!

Leeds Mick said...

It doesn't really matter if baldcock stays or goes,does it dildo lovers? You're prime relegation fodder and any player with any sense won't want to be part of the series of embarrassments that await you this season. How does it feel to be simply making up the numbers?

Deane said...

Leeds Mick, much better making up the numbers than not even getting in the carpark like your lot I remember the days when Leeds were in the top division (yes this does make me fairly old) and back then they were also shite

Leeds Mick said...

How many moons in your world? You were so shite even brolin scored against you. You've been usurped by qpr ,you're way down the pecking order amongst london clubs and nowhere near as big as Leeds United. Why are you crapping on about carparks? Get your tongue out of hfs arse and speak properly.